Shhh, secret gun committee is now meeting

By Mike Murphy

Darn. Of all the rotten luck! Here I was completely wasting my Saturday working a part-time job to help me survive retirement, reading a book about American history to help me be a better informed citizen, and shaving my beard to help me, uh, you know, look better, when, unbeknownst to me at the time, I could have been doing something worthwhile like attending a gun-rights rally at the Capitol in Boise.

The crowd gathered to show support for House Bill 422 which would allow folks to carry a gun without a permit within city limits. Some of us are very, very angry because, instead, the state Legislature wastes time on dumb bills like House Bill 451 which would emphasize “productive collaboration between the home and school” to provide third-graders with help in reading.

At least HB 451 states that parental notification is required which is good because if I don’t want my kid to be able to read that’s my business and not some sneaky government spy in the classroom who goes by the secret CIA name of “teacher.”

For some reason I was not on the Ada County Tea Party mailing list so I didn’t know about the rally. The Ada County Tea Party website has this clever picture of an upside down Liberty Bell with a tea bag in it which I’m sure has some deep symbolic meaning, but I’m still working on that. The Party also sponsors inspirational speakers like KrisAnne Hall, who was a Florida prosecutor who got fired but is highly qualified to speak about the Constitution because, as her website states, she is “a pastor’s wife and a patriot.”

Anyway, the rally in Boise was huge. There were not just “dozens” of people as reported by the liberal media, which obviously conspires to thwart our Second Amendment rights and keep us from spinning pistols around on our fingers out in public because we might accidentally shoot a TV weather man or something, but the event was attended by around 100 people—or approximately eight dozen.

I didn’t know a thing about the gun rally until I saw an article in the local newspaper. There were pictures of people carrying signs with clever sayings like “The Constitution is my permit.” Which made me wonder why smoking pot in our homes is illegal in Idaho since the Constitution gives us the power to “insure domestic Tranquility” and pot smokers that I’ve seen certainly appear to be tranquil.

What upset me more than anything else was that, until I read the newspaper article, I had no knowledge  about the existence of a SECRET GUN COMMITTEE in the state Legislature—which possibly has something to do with the fact that it is a secret. No one seems to know who is on the committee, when or where the committee meets, or even whose turn it is to bring cookies to the next secret committee meeting.

If the meetings are secret, then how do the secret gun committee members themselves know when to go, where to go, or which gun to bring? Is this the derringer meeting week or the bazooka meeting week? And who’s bringing the bullets?

Another thing that bothers me is how can I possibly email these people with suggestions for a secret speaker at their next secret meeting if their email address is secret? This is absurd.

Isn’t it feasible that if there is a secret gun committee, that there are other secret committees? Maybe there is a secret manure committee for agricultural bills, a secret weed committee for noxious weeds and pot legislation, or even a secret massage therapy committee, which would likely have more secret members than the secret meeting room could hold?

I went to the Idaho Second Amendment Alliance website to find out more concerning the secret gun committee, but all it did was make suggestions as to what I should tell “Idaho’s ‘secret gun committee’” which sure does me a heck of a lot of good when the committee is secret! That’s sort of like telling Lois Lane to “friend” Superman’s real identity.

I’ll tell you what, if I don’t get a bill passed by my elected officials this legislative session in regards to the right to carry as many guns as I want without a permit, I will get even on election day and kick out those ultra-conservative, hard-core Tea Party Republican weenies that I voted for in the first place and replace them with … uh … someone.

I’ll leave you with this thought: Is it possible that there could even be a “secret secret committee,” a committee whose function is to keep all of the secret committees secret? Or even that the secret committees are so secret that the members that have been selected for the various secret committees have not even been told about their selection because it’s a secret? Sadly, no one can answer my questions because — you guessed it — it’s a secret.

Mike Murphy of Pocatello is an award-winning columnist with accolades including an Associated Press first-place award in column writing and a first-place award in a national writing contest sponsored by Nissan Corp. His articles are syndicated by Senior Wire.